Myth Mother, Truth Daughter

We recently came across this article "I Can't Forgive My Daughter For Being Gay" by the Daily Mail. This is a mother's story of realising her daughter is gay, followed by her daughter's response.

We have separated sections of this article into Myth/Truth breakdowns. This is an excellent case study and example where a parent is a victim of the many myths that are commonplace about homosexuality, and her daughter is a victim of homophobia and social pressure.

MYTH Mother:

"...she met Tony, who worked for a construction firm. After a whirlwind romance, they got married when she was 23 and I was thrilled. Both Len and I very much liked Tony - we really felt he was right for her."

TRUTH Daughter:

"With hindsight, the only reason I got married to a man... was because I knew it would make my parents happy... I knew it wouldn't make me happy. ...for some reason she couldn't help herself engineering our relationship into a marriage. ...I feel very upset to find I have 'disappointed' my parents."

MYTH Mother:

"Now, she has come out as gay and I look at her - with her short hair and masculine clothes, - and wonder where did we as parents go wrong? I will always love Sarah, but I can't help feeling that how she has turned out is such a disappointment. It wasn't that I had anything against homosexuals... it wasn't what I wished for my child."

TRUTH Daughter:

"Mum may think she had some influence over my sexuality, but she needn't feel guilty because in fact I've known I was gay since I was very young - I just desperately tried not to be."

GayTruth Adds:

Deep down the mother most likely feels that being gay is inferior, less valid and immoral. This is a product of how society incorrectly views gay people.

MYTH Mother:

"I also feel Sarah would create a better first impression if she grew her hair and dressed in a more feminine way. But she seems to take pleasure in dressing to shock me."

TRUTH Daughter:

" I was just doing what felt comfortable for me. I never deliberately tried to be rebellious. Instead, I kept myself to myself and tried very hard to be straight and had lots of boyfriends."

MYTH Mother:

"...I did find the way she and Sarah talked about having children very odd."

TRUTH Daughter:

"For some reason, Mum seems to think that because I am gay, children are out of the question. She seemed surprised to find that Natalie and I wanted a family."

GayTruth Adds:

Homosexual people exactly the same desires as heterosexuals to have families and children.

MYTH Mother:

"It seems trendy for parents to claim they 'accept'... but the truth is that underneath-people are still prejudiced in different ways."

TRUTH GayTruth:

It is only through truth, discussion, acceptance and understanding that this deep seeded bias will change. Not sweeping it under a rug.

MYTH Mother:

"...makes me feel as if I have 'lost' my own daughter."

TRUTH Daughter:

"It's only recently I have truly accepted myself as gay. Mum and Dad are just going to have to accept it too."

GayTruth Adds:

Her mother has also closed herself to learning more about the daughter she has and becoming closer as a result. Instead she is focused on what she wishes her daughter should be. We feel this is the saddest part about this story.

Full article:

I Can't Forgive My Daughter For Being Gay