GayTruth Story: "South Africa loves me more than the USA"

An array of gay couples and individuals from all walks of life have shared with us their truth and given us permission to share these stories with you. In the first of several Gay Truth Stories, we meet Chris, who made the move to South Africa to be with his partner in life, James.

Last week I went into the local medical centre to do a health check. Just one of the things I need to do in order to attain a Partnered VISA here in South Africa. I was nervous because I knew the doctor would notice my American accent, see the papers for immigration and ask "So what brings you here to South Africa? Work?"

You see, James (my boyfriend, practically husband, other half, the guy who keeps me warm at night) found work here. An offer too good to say no to. As a couple, WE decided that he should take the job. We had been together for a while and knew we could do this. I in no way could make a move with him at the time because I had signed on to build my first home.

For the better part of two years, we were living apart on different continents. We spent hundreds of dollars on phone calls a month until we discovered Skype. I made two visits to Africa. He made a couple to the USA. Every night, before he went to bed I'd call having just arrived from work. Considering the 6-7 hour time difference, he'd sometimes stay up later depending on my work commitments. Either way, neither of us could go to sleep if we had not spoken to each other at least once a day.

Earlier this year, having finished my house, and rented it out, I "moved" to South Africa. I sold a lot of things that I didn't want to let go of, but felt I needed to. I threw away and gave people many of my possessions, put some things into a storage container, and a few things that we would miss on a ship container to greet us in Africa. It was a very stressful time for us.

Temporary VISAs last a few months in South Africa. Luckily my work commitments allowed me to travel, but now that is over, we need to take the steps for me to attain a VISA based on his residence here.

I automatically began to feel anxious about this. South Africa RECOGNISES GAY MARRIAGE. So why would I feel this way? Well, I guess I'm just so used to the anti-gay sentiment of back home. The sort of look you get when the lady at the hotel check in realises you really DO just want ONE queen bed, damn it. The virtual punch in the gut that requires no words and affects you on a deeper level.

We have a list of things we need to do to "prove" that we are indeed chained at the hip. The government from where we lived in the USA doesn't recognise gay relationships. We didn't have the one thing that would have made this process a lot simpler. We need testimonials, interviews, photographic evidence, documentation galore, and medical examinations. How would I handle sitting down with all these people and look them in the eye?

Do I lie to the doctor when he asks why I'm here?

I replied, "...because my partner moved here for work" and gulped. Everyone knows what it means when a guy says "partner" right? Its just a quiet way of saying "my b-b-b-oyfriend".

This doctor responded with a thick South African accent, "Great! What does your partner do? How are you two liking it here?" Oh my goodness. He totally said "partner" back didn't he? Through the medical exam, our general conversation confirmed any doubt that he understood that I'm gay, and that I'm immigrating, and that I am excercising my civil right to immigrate based on the fact I am James's other half. Even though I'm not a citizen here, we are treated with more respect. He was very nice. Very welcoming. Very ACCEPTING.

All of a sudden I realised that I under-estimated the South African people and its government. I made the assumption that even though, as a gay couple who have EVERY bit of the same rights as heterosexual couples, we would somehow still face people who didn't like the "lifestyle choice". In reality, everyone who we have been honest with have in fact become closer to us as friends. We have quickly formed a friend network of people who love to invite us for dinners, or the movies on Saturday nights. South Africa, with its many faults and tarnished history, truly accepts all people without judgement or misconception. They would be fools not to have learnt from their HISTORY of discrimination.

This may seem like a small thing, but I needed to pause and reflect on the part that read "I Chris Mullins am in a homosexual/heterosexual relationship with James Harris with the intention of being life partners". I signed on the dotted line. WOW. In that moment it finally FELT like WE existed beyond our little sanctuary. It was an amazing feeling.

I can just imagine how people of California felt when they ACTUALLY got married. Had that piece of paper in their hands as proof of total social acceptance. A word, MARRIAGE, that, attached with it, comes a universal understanding.

I can only imagine how they must have felt when Prop 8 passed. When a movement of misguided people voted it away. The fact that by not recognising the marraige, they're implying that it's wrong. That must really cut deep.

I just feel lucky we're in a country like this and the move wasn't the other way around.

I love South Africa. And it loves me back.

Sincerely,

Chris

Certain facts such as names and specific locations in this story have been changed to protect the author. Its truth, however, remains intact.

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