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MYTH:
Gay relationships don't last as long as straight relationships.
They just don't work.
Gay relationships don't last as long as straight relationships.
They just don't work.
TRUTH:
Statistically, it CAN be said, on average, that gay relationships don't last as long; especially between two men.
Although it is easy to conclude that this is a direct result of their sexual orientation, we require a deeper insight in order to reveal the truth.
Can we conclude, in a similar manner, that couples between different cultures won't work? Or that partners where parents don't approve of the relationship might just as well not happen? Can we then blindly say that inter-race coupling or ones that aren't supported by parent figures aren't as valid? Or do we need to look at the way society marginalises and what effect that has on these couples?
Gay people struggle to nurture their relationships in a society that still offers none of the same support heterosexual couples value. There are internal and external problems faced by two men or two women as they create a life together, that heterosexual couples might just never experience. Some of these may even be subconscious.
A few examples:
Although it is easy to conclude that this is a direct result of their sexual orientation, we require a deeper insight in order to reveal the truth.
Can we conclude, in a similar manner, that couples between different cultures won't work? Or that partners where parents don't approve of the relationship might just as well not happen? Can we then blindly say that inter-race coupling or ones that aren't supported by parent figures aren't as valid? Or do we need to look at the way society marginalises and what effect that has on these couples?
Gay people struggle to nurture their relationships in a society that still offers none of the same support heterosexual couples value. There are internal and external problems faced by two men or two women as they create a life together, that heterosexual couples might just never experience. Some of these may even be subconscious.
A few examples:
- inability to marry under the law
- issues preventing couples from adopting
- conflicting feelings based on religious beliefs
- parents unacceptability of child's homosexuality
- society's views/beliefs of homosexual relationships
- lack of visible examples of long lasting gay relationships
- subconscious self-sabotaging of relationships based on years of negative internalising
The truth is, committed relationships are more dependent on society approval than we think. The little "pats on the back" that help re-enforce its validity. The "congratulations" from strangers, the imagery we see everyday on TV, the grandparents celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, Ken and Barbie dolls...
The truth is, there are many, many gay relationships out there that have survived longer than most heterosexual marriages. These are sadly hidden from both the homosexual and gay community. After just a little digging, our promo video shows just a fraction of the hundreds of gay couples and families who "work". Wonderfully.
There is a lot to cover on this topic. Thankfully it has been addressed in detail by Betty Berzon, in her book "Permanent Partners : Building Gay and Lesbian Relationships That Last". With this, comes our first reading recommendation.
There is a lot to cover on this topic. Thankfully it has been addressed in detail by Betty Berzon, in her book "Permanent Partners : Building Gay and Lesbian Relationships That Last". With this, comes our first reading recommendation.
Further reading recommendations:
9 comments:
that probably explains why i can't keep a boyfriend hahaha
Thanks for posting this. I have been with my partner for almost 15 years and through all the instances of insisting upon ONE Queen bed in hotel rooms while we were travelling, we survived.
:)
I've read that book and I think it saved my relationship with my girlfrend. we didn't realise how many of our problems came from our own in built homophobia
thanks
We (two men, now in our 60's) have been together for 26 years. It has lasted by our own efforts, but it has also lasted because our parents had demonstrated in their lives what it takes to keep a relationship together. Also, we started our relationship when we were in our 30's. A good deal of the drama of figuring out who we were and what we wanted out of life was settled.
Failure to succeed in a relationship isn't unique to gay men. Inexperienced straight couples are as unlikely as inexperienced gay couples to have the skills to keep a relationship in business. My first relationships crashed pretty quickly.
Besides, relationships don't all have to be long-lasting. I am very, very glad that I didn't settle down sooner than I did.
Our society pushes straight people together and gay people apart.
Despite that my partner and I have been together 27 years and never a fight. Disagreements, yes; fights, no.
Like the couple above, we are two men in our 60s.
Would love to hear your stories and possibly feature them on this site. Please contact us (link below).
I LOVE this blog!
The fun of gay life (as heavily advertised everywhere in gay areas and media) is the promiscuity. Gays are currently in denial that exists but it's so easy to see. Sure some want the domestic life but in the end the promiscuity will win out. Just check in with these married couples in a few years, see how monogamous they are if they're even still married. I'm not against gay marriage but it's common knowledge in the gay world that gay marriage is for the fat, dumpy, over 55 and fear of dying alone crowd. The ones who make the gay world go around have no interest in it. It gets in the way of going out and having a life.
Rick, doesn't your logic apply to heterosexuals also? Think about it.
For the record, we're not fat. Definitely not dumpy. We're in our 20s and 30s. Yes, we're gay. Some of us are married. This particular writer has been in a monogamous relationship for 5 years.
Ironically, in the time we've been together, we've seen countless heterosexual relationships and marriages begin and end.
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